Clean for the Queen? Don't Be Obscene!
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I'd puke for the Duke
And I'd hurl for an Earl
But I'm really not keen
On a clean for the Queen

I'd kill for the thrill
Of a gunfight with Phil
(Or with Harry or Will)
I'd chuck for the Duchess
And wince at the Prince
But I will not be seen
To clean for the Queen

Imagine the scene!
My face would turn green
I've not got the stomach
To mop for the monarch
I know it sounds mean
I'm just venting my spleen
And I don't mean to spoil
The indulgence of Royal
Jubilees on our knees
With a scrub and a squeeze
But this purring and preening's
Absurd and demeaning

You see, workers who wash
Should be paid proper dosh
Because people who sweep
Are just earning their keep 
But they won't get a bean
When they clean for the Queen

So if you've made a mess
Then YOU clean it, Princess!
Clean for the Queen?
Don't be obscene!
- Know what I mean?