The Jeremy Kyle Nativity Rap
Add to My Calendar

We’ve had a call from Joseph down in Royal David’s City
His fiancée’s had a baby – but now things aren’t looking pretty
We've heard some crazy stories in this studio before
But when they told me this one, well it really dropped my jaw
This’ll be a new direction for our famous lie detection
“My girlfriend said she’s pregnant through immaculate conception”
Welcome Joseph on the stage, he’s feeling pretty daft
Tell us all that happened – from the very start
They said we had to register, get papers with our name on
Had to leave our home 'hood and go back to where we came from
Jumped into a lorry with a star on the side
Bumped us like a donkey, what a nasty ride
The hostels couldn’t cope and the Council wouldn’t help
They told us there’s a bloke who could probably sort us out
“Through that wooden door – Mind the Headroom, Max
We re-labelled it a stable for the Bedroom Tax”

Getting merry in style with some daytime TV crap
It’s the Jeremy Kyle Nativity Rap!
Getting merry in style with some daytime TV crap
It’s the Jeremy Kyle Nativity Rap!

She had the baby in that room and everything seemed fine 
But when we went to register, she said it wasn’t mine 
Came up with a fable – really quite a strange tale
Some guy called Gabriel – said he was an angel
Told her he was sent to her to save the world  
But I reckon that he says that to all the girls 
Next on stage it’s Gabe – I can’t wait to hear this   
Stay low or his halo'll have another near miss
Joseph’s only saying this so he can get away   
With claiming that the kid’s not his so he don’t have to pay   
Trying to run away from the C.S.A.
Two millennia too early to test D. N. A.  
You wanna watch out I don’t smack you, mate   
Your girlfriend said our hook-up was immaculate  
Let’s hear what the mother says – Mary’s on the phone 
“They’re both as bad as each other, Jez – I’m better off on my own”   

Sipping sherry, spitting bile, now they’re itching for a scrap
It’s the Jeremy Kyle Nativity Rap!
Sipping sherry, spitting bile, now they’re itching for a scrap
It’s the Jeremy Kyle Nativity Rap!

It’s J.C.’s birthday – and M.C. J.K.
Tells it how it is – and this is what they say
Want to name and shame and blame? Well, this is not conducive
The all-important lie detector came back inconclusive
Think you are an angel? – I think you are a slob
Get off your lazy backside and get yourself a job!
Babies don’t come cheap, you know – you’re going to have to spend a bit
Bet you end up wishing you’d put something on the end of it
We’re gonna give you help from the aftercare team
They’re busy at the minute in a rehab scheme 
Got a spot of bother finding three wise men
But it’s nice to give advice and so we’ll see you guys then
We’ll be back soon with more shocking revelations
Adam wants the truth about his lover’s temptations
Make sure you don't leave – join us after the break
Find out whether Eve was hit on by a snake

There’s at least an eight mile credibility gap
It’s the Jeremy Kyle Nativity Rap!
There’s at least an eight mile credibility gap
It’s the Jeremy Kyle Nativity Rap!