Poetry

Mine, and occasionally others'.

To Whom It May Concern

Please note that this should be read with a satirical tone.

To the owners of the domain name TheBigJ.com:

I understand that you have purchased this domain name and are in the process of establishing a website named The Big J. I further understand that the 'Big J' to whom you refer is one Jesus, previously resident of Nazareth and whom you and several million other people believe to be a deity.

Culpable Homicide

A brief comment prompted by the verdict in the trial of Oscar Pistorius for killing Reeva Steenkamp:

I've been trying to glean
What the court might mean
By 'culpable homicide'
I now understand - 
You were a bit out of hand
And someone or other died

Ode to a Second Royal Pregnancy

It is incumbent on poets to compose verse to mark royal occasions. So here is my effort concerning the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's announcement that one is expecting:

Radio Four is deeply concerned
The lady next door has recently learned
The worrying news that she's pregnant again
How will she cope with the stress and the strain?

If It Weren't For ...

If it weren't for hangovers, I'd get drunk every night
If it weren't for employers, employment would be alright
If it weren't for delays, the train wouldn't be late
If it weren't for the state, the welfare state would be great
If it weren't for the puncture, I'd be riding my bike
If it weren't for the job cuts, we wouldn't need to strike
If it weren't for the sick people, the hospital could cope

Away In A Palace

Written for Prince George, then still a foetus, in 2012 - to the tune of Away In A Manger:

It won’t need a manger,
a crib or a bed
For the new royal baby
to lay down its crowned head

The stars and the tyrants
will come and give praise
The little future monarch
whose patronage pays

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