Holiday in Sellafield

One from my 1980s days as The Big J. Windscale nuclear power station had been renamed Sellafield in 1981, as the government sought to rebrand it after a series of safety concerns …

Forget the Costa Brava, don’t go to Benidorm
They’re full of germs and foreigners, and our camp is just as warm
The air is really bracing, and hidden costs concealed
It really is all good clean fun on holiday in Sellafield.

The staff are warm and radiant, each one a bright young spark
And you won’t get lost at night time ‘cos they all glow in the dark.
Our magic moondust molecules will keep the kids at heel
You’ll have a real mind-blowing time on holiday in Sellafield.

The wildlife’s somewhat different from what you get elsewhere
But don’t worry, they’re not vicious; in fact, they’re all too high to care.
Now Lourdes is a famous pilgrim shrine where many a wound is healed
But there’s nothing to match the therapy that you get at Sellafield.

“The soil is safe” says Government mouth from the other side of the fence
“The fact that the vegetables cook themselves is just pure coincidence”
Our green fingered gardeners cultivate some leeks that make nutritious meals.
You’re sure to have the time of your halflife on holiday in Sellafield.

The entertainment’s just explosive, there’s thrills and spills and fun
Come and see our one-man double act prove two heads are better than one.
We really don’t like Greenpeace, we wish they hadn’t squealed
And spoilt our chances of luring you to a holiday in Sellafield.

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