How to Run a Daily Briefing

If you can, find figures that
make Britain look better
than other countries.

If you can’t, then explain that
foreigners count differently
from us Brits.

If asked questions
about health and care workers,
say that they are heroes.

If pressed about their PPE, tests,
working conditions or isolation pay,
say again that they are heroes.

Repeatedly state that you are
following the science.
Ask scientists to explain this.

Remind viewers how much worse
it would have been if
the government had done nothing at all.

Spend twenty seconds
washing your hands
of all responsibility.

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