Ta-ra Tories

Ta-ra

Ta-ra Penny

Let’s hope that the end of Ms Mordaunt
turns out to be some sort of portent
of Conservative death
the Tories’ last breath
and spares us from more of their torment

What Most People Think

Portrait

(Ode to Lee Anderson) When I said I hated men dressed in pink And that women should be tied to the kitchen sink I wasn’t being a prat, a bigot or fink I was simply saying what most people think … Read more

Onward, Anti-Woke Soldiers

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They’re marching off to war on woke, to fan the flames, to fuel and stoke a cooked-up culture conflagration, save the fabric of our nation and every thing we Brits hold dear from those who’d welcome migrants here They’ll soon … Read more

Forty. New. Hospitals.

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Who knew that new need not actually mean new? It might mean refurbished or extended, repurposed or pretended? Who knew? Who’d have thought it, that forty need not actually mean forty? That’s rather naughty It ought to, surely? I’d have … Read more

Share of the Pie

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Long long time ago, I can still remember How winter snow would make me smile And I knew when I had my chance We’d come inside to warm and dance And maybe we’d be happy for a while But February … Read more

Please, No!

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There was I, a few minutes ago, minding my own business, awaiting the announcement of my platform at King’s Cross, when over the PA came the voice of Michael Portillo wishing the station a happy birthday. So, might I just … Read more

Corn Hub

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There once was a Tory, his name is Neil Parish Attracted to tractors in “a moment of madness” And now Mrs P is extremely embarrassed A big-wheeled beauty with a powerful horn Harvesting hot stuff down in the corn Who … Read more

Corn Hub

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There once was a Tory, his name is Neil Parish Attracted to tractors in “a moment of madness” And now Mrs P is extremely embarrassed A big-wheeled beauty with a powerful horn Harvesting hot stuff down in the corn Who … Read more

Ambushed by a Cake

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He was taken aback by a slice of flapjack Spliced by an iced bun that jumped him for fun   And the poor bloke was wholly jammed by a roly poly He was knocked quite agog by a shocking chocolate log   He … Read more

Bring Your Own

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Bring your own booze Bring your own excitement Bring your own rules Bring your own entitlement Bring your own germs Bring your own immunity Bring your own free pass to party with impunity Bring your own scorn Bring your own … Read more

Clerihew: Owen Paterson

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Owen Patterson takes envelopes with splatters on One hundred grand and he’ll do your bidding Fit for public office? You’ve got to be kidding.

Effluenza

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Our public sewage industry was sold to private bidders Who don’t dispose of putrid waste but dump it in the rivers They take responsibility and flush it down the loo For building up the affluent builds effluence up too The … Read more

Hancock’s Last Hour

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A classic of Great British humour Slapstick, slap-and-tickle, caught on candid camera And everyone likes to see the bad guy get his comeuppance, don’t they? But there is something of the gangster genre about it too where Al Capone is … Read more

I’ve Got Your Number

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My profit margin’s wracked with doubt My tax demands encumber I think I know a good way out – Now, where is Johnson’s number? I manufacture hoovers, mate, but with a bit of luck I’m sure I’ll make them ventilate … Read more

Capitalism and Greed

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The loose-tongued Prime Minister claimed that capitalism and greed made the vaccine succeed.   Really?   I don’t remember selecting my injection from the many assembled on a free-market stall. Not at all.   And I don’t recall thinking ‘that … Read more

Credit Where It’s Due

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Some people know what it is worth. Some people can now buy fresh fruit. Or keep the heating on for another hour. Some people can get a decent present for the kiddo’s birthday. Or a coat when winter comes in. … Read more

A Christmas ode

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Opening presents, singing songs, Telling Christmas stories, Spreading seasonal goodwill And, mostly, hating Tories