Mostly Hating Tories

What shall I do on this fine day? There’s so much on my list A mix of work and rest and play I’m sure you get my gist And maybe I’ll compose a rhyme – But my unwritten law is … Read more

Brooks Newmark pt.2

Brooks Newmark’s second sexting strand Was unwise, on reflection He no longer has the balls to stand In next year’s general erection

Carpe Diem

Seize the day, Theresa May, Lock extremist scum away While you’re there, inspect the cell And lock yourself inside as well

Cameron Cares?

That tear-stained bit of David Cameron’s Conservative Party conference speech … “How very dare you suggest I don’t care for the great NHS? I love it so dearly I’d sell it for nearly As much as my granny – or … Read more

Ode to the Downfall of Brooks Newmark

The fall from grace of the little-known Brooks Newmark, holder of the little-known post of Minister for Civil Society, caught sending a todger selfie to an undercover journo. Oh Brooks, oh Brooks How bad this looks For eve-of-conference dramas What … Read more

‘British Work for British Hands’

ducrossnip

Seeing this Conservative candiddate’s advert in a 1910 issue of the East London Advertiser, it struck me that the ‘British jobs for British workers’ slogan of a couple of years ago was neither new nor left-wing. ‘British work for British … Read more

A Sonnet to a Tory MP

nigel_torymp

A rewrite of Shakespeare’s Eighteenth Sonnet: Shall I compare thee to a winter’s day? Thou art more cold and more intemperate Tough times won’t shake the buddies of Theresa May Nor cruelty’s lease expire on short a date No time … Read more

Lost Consonant

Iain Duncan Smith, Secretary of State for Work and Pensions – and therefore chief benefit-cutter and witchhunter of disabled people and other claimants – and Conservative MP for Chingford, where his predecessor was the equally loathsome Norman Tebbit: What evil … Read more

An Ode to William Hague

The Foreign Secretary’s called William Hague His purpose in life is quite vague We sent him to Iraq But they sent him straight back Saying they’d rather have a dose of the plague

An Ode to Jeremy Hunt

The Health Secretary’s named Jeremy Hunt He sits on the benches at front It would, inter alia, Insult female genitalia To call him a vile Tory cunt

Once in Rupert Murdoch’s Empire

To the tune of ‘Once In Royal David’s City’, written in 2012: Once in Rupert Murdoch’s empire Lived his sidekick Rebekah Brooks Rose to power through gutter reporting Hacking phones and bribing crooks David Cameron was her chum Jeremy Hunt was … Read more

Michael Gove Is Coming to Town

More of a Christmas carol than a poem, dedicated to our later, unlamented Education Secretary, and set to the tune of Santa Claus Is Coming to Town: You’d better not hope, dream or aspire Stay in your place, you won’t … Read more

We Three Kings

A variation on a festive favourite – to the tune of We Three Kings Of Orient Are: We three kings of austerity be IDS, Gideon and David C Finding ways To make you pay For capitalism’s misanthropy Oh-oh Cuts by daytime, cuts … Read more

Bad Mayor Boris

To the tune of Good King Wenceslas: Boris Johnson once looked out Across the River Tha-ames In one direction poverty The other gold and ge-ems People slept on streets that night Though the frost was cru-el And pensioners in freezing … Read more

Gideon’s Budget 2012

Two limericks for Gideon George Osborne’s 2012 Budget: 1. We can be sure that in Gideon’s budget However the media judge it There’ll be gifts for the rich For the rest, not a stitch And Labour’s poor leaders will fudge … Read more

Respect for the Dead?

Written on the occasion of the death of Margaret Thatcher in 2012. Today I mourn the passing of those who deserve our tears The many many victims of Margaret Thatcher’s years The teenage generation, hopes destroyed without a care Like … Read more