Nah, You’re Alright

Abolish the monarchy

I’d rather do a highland fling Or tie my nipples up with string Impale my buttock on a spring I’d rather do most anything Than pledge allegiance to a king I’d risk the wrath of Merciless Ming Or face what … Read more

Pledge of Allegiance

Abolish the monarchy

I pledge allegiance to my sons to witty jokes and dreadful puns I pledge allegiance to Aussie soaps to chasing all my dreams and hopes I pledge my allegiance to the Borough boys to Lewes FC, to making noise I … Read more

Some Things That Go Before ‘King’

Abolish the monarchy

counterchec, rubbernec strikebrea, pissta, heartbrea, troublema multitas, unmas bluestoc, foreloc motherfuc, bloodsuc wisecrac, backtrac benchmar, disembar pawnbro, keystro stockbro, anti-smo, undercoo, overloo hyperlin, freethin hallmar, reembar hitchhi, motorbi bootlic, politic rollic, nitpic lovema, muckra ransac, carjac, miskic, picnic upchuc, untuc … Read more

But Where is it Really From?


Where is your title from? My father. No, but where is it really from? It’s been in the family for years. But where did your people get it from? I believe it was conferred on my noble ancestors by the … Read more

Villanelle: A Step or Two

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Autumn falls and storm clouds brew The post each day brings season’s chill The queue moves on a step or two The last demand is overdue It stands unopened on the sill As autumn falls and storm clouds brew They … Read more

The Queue

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A fortnight back, complaining about having to wait behind two others to use the cashpoint Now, happy to stand all day and night to file past a box with a crown and a cushion on top and inside, the body … Read more

To Show Due Respect …

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Companies have suspended polluting the air Governments have suspended cutting our care Energy firms have suspended price rises Landlords have suspended nasty surprises Employers have suspended exploiting our labours Lobbyists have suspended cashing in favours Bosses have suspended giving the … Read more

Clerihew: Henry III

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Henry the Third was somewhat absurd He endorsed the Great Charter and ignored it thereafter

Haiku on Prince Philip’s Car Crash


The Duke spent the day At home recovering from Not having been hurt —– He’s not Bo or Luke But events do suggest that The Duke’s a hazard —– Breaking news just in: It seems that there were people In … Read more

Reflection: Three Kings


The established religion is this: Royals bring gifts to baby born in poverty Now those born in poverty bring gifts to baby Royals This is the established religion

Transnational Anthem


God save one’s gracious tax Long live one’s noble sacks God save one’s tax Send it on holiday Make sure the proles all pay I own the islands anyway God save one’s tax One has to be much shrewder Deposit … Read more

Royals In Need


The Palace ceiling’s showing cracks The servants’ quarters may collapse They can’t afford the Bedroom Tax Please help our Royals In Need On screen a choked-up millionaire Is holding tight to Pudsey Bear Defy their pleadings if you dare Dig … Read more

Queen Vic (Let’s Do It)

Today is Queen Elizabeth’s 90th birthday, and the media is awash with fawning coverage. Yesterday, queen of entertainment Victoria Wood died. This is a respectful reworking of Victoria Wood’s classic Ballad of Freda and Barry (Let’s Do It). Freda and … Read more

The King Is Dead

A poem on the occasion of the death of King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. Royal flag at half-mast flies Forgotten victim sadly sighs Only another despot cries When a bloody tyrant dies The great and good will eulogise Sing loud … Read more

Women in the Irish nationalist movement 1900-1916

Written back in around 1993: Constance Markievicz and the other women who fought in the Easter Rising struggled to be accepted on equal terms by the Irish labour movement and among nationalists. Their experience holds many lessons for today’s socialists … Read more

Constance Markievicz: a life


These are biographical notes on the ‘Red Countess’, Constance Markievicz, prepared for the London Socialist Feminist Discussion Group on 10 October 2008. Also attached are two one-page files giving a timeline of her life. Constance Georgine Gore-Booth was born on … Read more

The Queen’s Horse

The Queen’s horse, Estimate, was stripped of its second place in the 2014 Gold Cup after testing positive for morphine … The Queen’s horse is on drugs! Who’d have thought? Bastions of privilege Now cheats at sport Broken Britain reaches … Read more