Nah, You’re Alright

Abolish the monarchy

I’d rather do a highland fling Or tie my nipples up with string Impale my buttock on a spring I’d rather do most anything Than pledge allegiance to a king I’d risk the wrath of Merciless Ming Or face what … Read more

Pledge of Allegiance

Abolish the monarchy

I pledge allegiance to my sons to witty jokes and dreadful puns I pledge allegiance to Aussie soaps to chasing all my dreams and hopes I pledge my allegiance to the Borough boys to Lewes FC, to making noise I … Read more

Some Things That Go Before ‘King’

Abolish the monarchy

counterchec, rubbernec strikebrea, pissta, heartbrea, troublema multitas, unmas bluestoc, foreloc motherfuc, bloodsuc wisecrac, backtrac benchmar, disembar pawnbro, keystro stockbro, anti-smo, undercoo, overloo hyperlin, freethin hallmar, reembar hitchhi, motorbi bootlic, politic rollic, nitpic lovema, muckra ransac, carjac, miskic, picnic upchuc, untuc … Read more

But Where is it Really From?

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Where is your title from? My father. No, but where is it really from? It’s been in the family for years. But where did your people get it from? I believe it was conferred on my noble ancestors by the … Read more

Villanelle: A Step or Two

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Autumn falls and storm clouds brew The post each day brings season’s chill The queue moves on a step or two The last demand is overdue It stands unopened on the sill As autumn falls and storm clouds brew They … Read more

The Queue

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A fortnight back, complaining about having to wait behind two others to use the cashpoint Now, happy to stand all day and night to file past a box with a crown and a cushion on top and inside, the body … Read more

To Show Due Respect …

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Companies have suspended polluting the air Governments have suspended cutting our care Energy firms have suspended price rises Landlords have suspended nasty surprises Employers have suspended exploiting our labours Lobbyists have suspended cashing in favours Bosses have suspended giving the … Read more

Clerihew: Henry III

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Henry the Third was somewhat absurd He endorsed the Great Charter and ignored it thereafter

Haiku on Prince Philip’s Car Crash

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The Duke spent the day At home recovering from Not having been hurt —– He’s not Bo or Luke But events do suggest that The Duke’s a hazard —– Breaking news just in: It seems that there were people In … Read more