(in the style of Hilaire Belloc)
Young Michael was a ghastly child
Who frightened people when he smiled
And though he didn’t have a clue
He told his teachers what to do,
Upset the children and the grown-ups,
Made a mess but never owned up.
He tried to suck up to the nerds
By conjugating Latin verbs
But they were not at all impressed,
Told Michael ‘Give this crap a rest’,
So Michael thought he might as well
Turn school into a living hell.
He scoured the library and took
Away each interesting book
And burned them; said if he’d his way
Then kids would sit exams all day,
But no-one liked a thing he did,
Said ‘Go away, you awful kid’.
Just when he thought that he’d been beaten
He met a boy who’d been to Eton
Who, full of pomp and rich and hearty
Invited Michael to his party,
Picked him for his team of fools
And made him chief of all the schools.
Now Michael had some daft ideas
Of running schools like Wackford Squeers,
And though he failed most every test,
He still felt sure that he knew best.
The staff and kids, contempt increased,
Said Michael was a horrid beast.
And when they all walked out and fought,
His boss packed Michael off to court.
He thought he was in charge: instead
The charge against this clown was read
And jurors from the neighbourhood
Locked frightful Michael up for good.
(The moral of this dreadful tale:
If you don’t want our schools to fail
Or see our justice banged to rights,
The system run by Thatcherites,
Then learn your lesson well, by Jove,
And slay the beast that’s Michael Gove.)