Clothes in colours other than beige
A Railcard for the middle-aged
A T-shirt saying ‘Mind Your Own Business’
An entry form for TV quizzes
Quiet and peace for channel hopping
Someone else to do the shopping
A Fit Bit and a healthy snack
In my Middle Aged Woman Starter Pack
The comfy sofa of your dreams
Hair and opinion removal creams
A male name as a pseudonym
Aqua class or leisure swim
Supplies of the tipple of your choice
A hint of irritation for your voice
A witty retort to answer back
In your Middle Aged Woman Starter Pack
A charger to plug me into the mains
A magic cure for aches and pains
A pill to kill that bloody migraine
Discrete little pad for feminine hygiene
A full day off for a cervical smear
A mammogram done every year
Where bigger boobs get a larger rack
In my Middle Aged Woman Starter Pack
Eight hours play and eight hours sleep
Permission to deck the office creep
A broader mind and an untucked tummy
A bit less month at the end of the money
A retirement age that’s coming down
Plenty of benches in the centre of town
That priceless knack of fighting back
In my Middle-Aged Woman Survival Pack
Thicker skin and sparkling wit
Resilience when I’d rather quit
Levelling up to the fellas’ wages
More middle-aged women on screens and stages
Sexist crap to desist and cease
Equality, freedom, global peace
And less of your lip ’cause there’s no going back
On our Middle Aged Women Smart Attack
