If your boss is a tosser and your job is boring
If your team doesn’t even look like scoring
If people hold a protest that you don’t support
If you wear a balaclava but you still get caught
If your Daily Mail goes up in smoke
Then that’s because the world’s gone woke
If school tells your kids it’s OK to be gay
If you can’t park your van ’cause there’s a cripple in the way
If you’ve lost your wallet or you can’t find your key
If you can’t make a meal that costs 30p
If your dog won’t bark and your frog won’t croak
Then mark my words, it’s because they’re woke
If you’re not invited to the coming-out party
You can put the blame on the wokerati
If some wit on Twitter owns your arse
trashes your culture war and centres class
If no-one laughs at your racist joke
Then turn your angry fire on ‘woke’
If your eyes don’t shine and your teeth don’t sparkle
You can blame it all on Meghan Markle
If a woman gets promoted instead of you
If someone prangs your car but you don’t know who
If your local market’s stocking artichoke
If the egg on your gammon has a broken yolk
It’s a blight on the rights of the normal bloke
Bring back bigotry – and banish woke!
