Ta-ra Tories

A series of celebraTory rhymes to mark the heads that rolled in the 2024 UK general election

Ta-ra Liam

The outcome from Somerset rocks!
It’s the end of that Tory called Fox
The voters there used
their legal right to choose
and put his remains in a box

Ta-ra Penny

Let’s hope that the end of Ms Mordaunt
turns out to be some sort of portent
of Conservative death
the Tories’ last breath
and spares us from more of their torment

Ta-ra Grant

A veritable tsunami of claps
a triumphant tossing of caps
and jubilant cries
greet his demise
So please call a taxi for Shapps

Ta-ra Liz

And so it ends thus
for poor old Liz Truss
Perhaps one could claim
her ten minutes of fame
went down like the Titanic. Discuss.

Nearly Ta-ra Jeremy

He’s clung on, has Jeremy Hunt
But no more on the benches at front
It would, inter alia,
insult female genitalia
to call him a vile Tory c*nt.

Clerihew: Ta-ra Michael

Michael Fabricant
was a re-applicant
for a Parliamentary seat
but the tosser got beat

Ta-ra Henley

elected LibDems
The Tories got battered
in the home of the regatta

A re-write of an old ‘un to mark a popular departure …

Ta-ra Jacob

Jacob Rees Mogg, oh Jacob Rees Mogg
Rose from the bowels of a foul, toxic bog
And stared with intent through a poisonous fog
Searching for public estate he could flog
An accountant who scribes in a three-column log

Jacob Rees Mogg, oh Jacob Rees Mogg
Stands up from the benches and gazes agog
With the sneer of a stoat and the eyes of a frog
A monocle, pipe and a hipflask with grog
The slimiest oil in the free-market cog

Jacob Rees Mogg, oh Jacob Rees Mogg
A top hat, a stick and a fine hunting dog
To round up the riff-raff to roast like a hog
Return to the days of the workhouse and smog
When the poor tugged their forelocks and polished their clogs

Jacob Rees Mogg, oh Jacob Mogg Rees
Antediluvian, vile Tory beast
And now you are gone, let’s lay out a feast.

And finally …

When I’ve finished writing verse
and celebration stories
Once I’ve watched them all disperse
I’ll still be hating Tories

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