A Christmas ode

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Opening presents, singing songs, Telling Christmas stories, Spreading seasonal goodwill And, mostly, hating Tories

The Jeremy Kyle Nativity Rap

We’ve had a call from Joseph down in Royal David’s City His fiancée’s had a baby – but now things aren’t looking pretty We’ve heard some crazy stories in this studio before But when they told me this one, well it … Read more

Rudolf the Unionised Reindeer

Rudolf the unionised reindeer Was sick of being bullied at work The other reindeer in his workplace Kept calling him a red-nosed jerk They excluded him from workplace banter And made him feel so sad and small So Rudolf the … Read more

Away In A Palace

Written for Prince George, then still a foetus, in 2012 – to the tune of Away In A Manger: It won’t need a manger, a crib or a bed For the new royal baby to lay down its crowned head … Read more

Once in Rupert Murdoch’s Empire

To the tune of ‘Once In Royal David’s City’, written in 2012: Once in Rupert Murdoch’s empire Lived his sidekick Rebekah Brooks Rose to power through gutter reporting Hacking phones and bribing crooks David Cameron was her chum Jeremy Hunt was … Read more

Michael Gove Is Coming to Town

More of a Christmas carol than a poem, dedicated to our later, unlamented Education Secretary, and set to the tune of Santa Claus Is Coming to Town: You’d better not hope, dream or aspire Stay in your place, you won’t … Read more

We Three Kings

A variation on a festive favourite – to the tune of We Three Kings Of Orient Are: We three kings of austerity be IDS, Gideon and David C Finding ways To make you pay For capitalism’s misanthropy Oh-oh Cuts by daytime, cuts … Read more

Bad Mayor Boris

To the tune of Good King Wenceslas: Boris Johnson once looked out Across the River Tha-ames In one direction poverty The other gold and ge-ems People slept on streets that night Though the frost was cru-el And pensioners in freezing … Read more

While Bishops Washed Their Frocks

Shortly before Christmas 2012, the Church of Engalnd voted not to allow women to become bishops. The decision to allow women bishops – with some qualification – was taken around two years later. To the tune of While Shepherd’s Watched … Read more