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  • 1980s Ranting Poetry: The Big J
  • Janine performed poetry in the 1980s as The Big J. This section contains poems, articles and other bits n bobs from this historic era.
  • Acrostics
  • An acrostic is a poem in which the first (or sometimes, the last) letter of each line spells out a word or phrase.
  • Ballads
  • Each stanza has four iambic lines, of four, three, four and three beats. The four lines rhyme abcb, and balladeers may use an internal rhyme in the first and third lines.
  • Festive Funnies
  • Some daftly-rewritten Christmas odes
  • Formal poetry
  • Villanelles, sonnets, haiku, limericks and more ... Not all Janine's poems follow strict forms, but these ones do ...
  • Clerihew
  • Four lines, two rhyming couplets. The first line is the name of a person. The rhymes and the line lengths are allowed to be - supposed to be, even - a bit rubbish.
  • Golden shovels
  • A golden shovel takes another poet's poem (or extract) and uses its words as the end words of the lines of a new poem. So if you read down the right-hand side, just the last word of each line, of the golden shovel, you will be reading the poem that inspired it. The golden shovel expands, develops or even changes the meaning of the original.
  • Haiku
  • First: five syllables Next line: seven syllables Last: five syllablesThere are some other rules too, but I'm ignoring them.
  • Limericks
  • Five-line poems, usually funny or light-hearted; the first, second and fifth lines rhyme with each other; the third and fourth lines also rhyme with each other, and are shorter.
  • Pantoums
  • A form of poetry comprised of a series of quatrains; the second and fourth lines of each stanza being repeated as the first and third of the next, until the last stanza, where the second and fourth lines are the third and first lines of the first stanza. Got that? Good.
  • Sonnets
  • Fourteen lines of iambic pentameter. The two most usual rhyme schemes are ababcdcd-efefgg (English/Shakespearean) and abbaabba-cdecde or abbaabba-cdcdcd (Italian/Petrarchan). The move from the first eight lines (the octave) to the remaining six lines (the sestet) often sees a turn in the poem's theme or 'argument'. Plus some fourteen-liners that are not strictly sonnets.
  • Triolet
  • Eight lines. The first and second lines repeat as the seventh and last lines, and the first line also repeats as the fourth line. The rhyme scheme is  ABaAabAB, capital letters representing the repeated lines.
  • Four Lines That Rhyme
  • Quick quatrains with a rhyme scheme.
  • Villanelles
  • A nineteen-line poetic form consisting of five three-line stanzas (tercets) followed by a final, four-line stanza (quatrain).

The Queen’s Horse

The Queen’s horse, Estimate, was stripped of its second place in the 2014 Gold Cup after testing positive for morphine … The Queen’s horse is on drugs! Who’d have thought? Bastions of privilege Now cheats at sport Broken Britain reaches … Read More

No Rhyme, No Crime

Poetry doesn’t have to rhyme It can be blank verse from time to time Oops, a self-defeating pair Of lines – oh fuck it, I don’t care.

Duchess Departed

An alliterative ode on the occasion of the passing of an aristocrat:  Deborah the Dowager Duchess of Devonshire has died Did ever a life-end alliterate with such alarming aloofness? The chatelaine of Chatsworth, champion of chutney, Charles’ chum The Prince’s … Read More

It’s Gone

johnleach

For John Leach, probably the nearest I’ll get to a love poem: My partner’s pain at last has gone Long months of torment finished For weeks in sorrow soldiering on His suffering undiminished Good God, I’m glad they’re in the … Read More

The Art of Food and Drink

A rather silly poem about artists in food and drinks establishments. Tip of the hat to Tim Wells for the joke in the final verse: I saw Picasso in the caff And offered him a tea Said he, “I’ll drink that through … Read More

Death Row Diner

Get this! Hopelessly unthinking about the barbarity and injustice of state executions, we have a “pop-up restaurant” themed as “death row dinners”. Pass the sick bag. May I invite you to my cell to dine? Is this the final meal … Read More

Rant at a Bicycle Thief

(Swearing appropriate to the tone of the verse) Why the fuck did you nick my bike? What have I ever done to you? Did it cross your mind how much it would upset me? Or that I might not be … Read More

Culpable Homicide

A brief comment prompted by the verdict in the trial of Oscar Pistorius for killing Reeva Steenkamp: I’ve been trying to glean What the court might mean By ‘culpable homicide’ I now understand –  You were a bit out of … Read More

Villanelle: No Autistics Here

This story is about residents objecting to a care home for autistic adults in their street. I wanted to write a poem expressing my upset that people could take a stance like this, and finally settled on a poetic form called the Villanelle: … Read More

Ode to a Second Royal Pregnancy

It is incumbent on poets to compose verse to mark royal occasions. So here is my effort concerning the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s announcement that one is expecting: Radio Four is deeply concerned The lady next door has recently … Read More

Sonnet to the Domestic Dog

summertrain

Aw. Dontcha just love ’em? There is a fact scarce known in our society That of the world’s great treasury of creatures The one that manifests the most variety Of size and shape and other body features Is not a … Read More

Her Name Is Reeva

Her name is Reeva Reeva Steenkamp Not ‘Oscar Pistorius’ girlfriend’ Not ‘model’ Not ‘reality TV star’ Her name is Reeva Her name is Reeva She was not just a model But also a law graduate She was not just a … Read More

The Housewife’s Trial

washingmachine

An oldie from the 1980s, a decade of Thatcher, Reagan, crap haircuts and appallingly sexist washing powder adverts. They are not exactly bastions of feminism now, but in the 1980s we were subjected to images of women descending into hysterical … Read More

The Ballad of Gibbons Corner

collapse

Since Eighteen Ninety In all of its finery Stood Gibbons the furniture sellers London’s last such attraction With cash-only transaction Until plastic caught up with the fellas They eventually gave in To modernity’s whim With a sign saying ‘We accept … Read More

The Sun Has Got His Hat On

How is it that when the weather warms up, some men think it is ok to shout out comments about a woman’s appearance – and expect us to take it as a compliment?! The sun has got his hat on … Read More

Homeless Man Dies Frozen

In February 2013, homeless man Daniel Gauntlett died of hypothermia on the doorstep of an empty bungalow in Aylesford, Kent. Homeless man dies frozen on steps of empty bungalow Man named Daniel Gauntlett Headline of Kent local paper Just words … Read More

If It Weren’t For …

If it weren’t for hangovers, I’d get drunk every night If it weren’t for employers, employment would be alright If it weren’t for delays, the train wouldn’t be late If it weren’t for the state, the welfare state would be … Read More

If

A rewrite of Rudyard Kipling’s ‘If’: If you evade your tax when all around you Are paying theirs and saying you should too If values like integrity confound you But ruthlessness comes naturally to you If you can live off … Read More

Away In A Palace

Written for Prince George, then still a foetus, in 2012 – to the tune of Away In A Manger: It won’t need a manger, a crib or a bed For the new royal baby to lay down its crowned head … Read More

A Sonnet to a Tory MP

nigel_torymp

A rewrite of Shakespeare’s Eighteenth Sonnet: Shall I compare thee to a winter’s day? Thou art more cold and more intemperate Tough times won’t shake the buddies of Theresa May Nor cruelty’s lease expire on short a date No time … Read More