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  • 1980s Ranting Poetry: The Big J
  • Janine performed poetry in the 1980s as The Big J. This section contains poems, articles and other bits n bobs from this historic era.
  • Acrostics
  • An acrostic is a poem in which the first (or sometimes, the last) letter of each line spells out a word or phrase.
  • Ballads
  • Each stanza has four iambic lines, of four, three, four and three beats. The four lines rhyme abcb, and balladeers may use an internal rhyme in the first and third lines.
  • Festive Funnies
  • Some daftly-rewritten Christmas odes
  • Formal poetry
  • Villanelles, sonnets, haiku, limericks and more ... Not all Janine's poems follow strict forms, but these ones do ...
  • Clerihew
  • Four lines, two rhyming couplets. The first line is the name of a person. The rhymes and the line lengths are allowed to be - supposed to be, even - a bit rubbish.
  • Golden shovels
  • A golden shovel takes another poet's poem (or extract) and uses its words as the end words of the lines of a new poem. So if you read down the right-hand side, just the last word of each line, of the golden shovel, you will be reading the poem that inspired it. The golden shovel expands, develops or even changes the meaning of the original.
  • Haiku
  • First: five syllables Next line: seven syllables Last: five syllablesThere are some other rules too, but I'm ignoring them.
  • Limericks
  • Five-line poems, usually funny or light-hearted; the first, second and fifth lines rhyme with each other; the third and fourth lines also rhyme with each other, and are shorter.
  • Pantoums
  • A form of poetry comprised of a series of quatrains; the second and fourth lines of each stanza being repeated as the first and third of the next, until the last stanza, where the second and fourth lines are the third and first lines of the first stanza. Got that? Good.
  • Sonnets
  • Fourteen lines of iambic pentameter. The two most usual rhyme schemes are ababcdcd-efefgg (English/Shakespearean) and abbaabba-cdecde or abbaabba-cdcdcd (Italian/Petrarchan). The move from the first eight lines (the octave) to the remaining six lines (the sestet) often sees a turn in the poem's theme or 'argument'. Plus some fourteen-liners that are not strictly sonnets.
  • Triolet
  • Eight lines. The first and second lines repeat as the seventh and last lines, and the first line also repeats as the fourth line. The rhyme scheme is  ABaAabAB, capital letters representing the repeated lines.
  • Four Lines That Rhyme
  • Quick quatrains with a rhyme scheme.
  • Villanelles
  • A nineteen-line poetic form consisting of five three-line stanzas (tercets) followed by a final, four-line stanza (quatrain).

BPD: Bullshit Psychiatric Diagnosis

BPD word cloud // Credit: Wikimedia Commons

Basic problem: dysfunctional brain. Poisonous dynamic. Bad person. Difficult. Branded, pigeonholed, dubbed bonkers, psycho, disturbed. Best put down ‘borderline’. Please don’t bother protesting, dear. Boffin professionals drafted brilliant Ph Ds berating personal downfall Browbeaten patients drop by pharmacy, drugs bring … Read more

Middle-age Kicks

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with apologies to The Undertones A middle-age dream’s so hard to beat Every time I’m offered a seat A cinnamon whirl in the neighbourhood With a glass of wine, it tastes so good I’m getting older, getting older, right Get … Read more

Onward, Anti-Woke Soldiers

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They’re marching off to war on woke, to fan the flames, to fuel and stoke a cooked-up culture conflagration, save the fabric of our nation and every thing we Brits hold dear from those who’d welcome migrants here They’ll soon … Read more

Sitting in your Citroen

Berlingo

There’s room for snacks and Doom Bar cans flirting, fun and future plans For you are my adventure gringo side by side in your Berlingo There’s room for friends and kids and all There’s room for creatures great and small … Read more

Forty. New. Hospitals.

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Who knew that new need not actually mean new? It might mean refurbished or extended, repurposed or pretended? Who knew? Who’d have thought it, that forty need not actually mean forty? That’s rather naughty It ought to, surely? I’d have … Read more

Nah, You’re Alright

Abolish the monarchy

I’d rather do a highland fling Or tie my nipples up with string Impale my buttock on a spring I’d rather do most anything Than pledge allegiance to a king I’d risk the wrath of Merciless Ming Or face what … Read more

Pledge of Allegiance

Abolish the monarchy

I pledge allegiance to my sons to witty jokes and dreadful puns I pledge allegiance to Aussie soaps to chasing all my dreams and hopes I pledge my allegiance to the Borough boys to Lewes FC, to making noise I … Read more

Some Things That Go Before ‘King’

Abolish the monarchy

counterchec, rubbernec strikebrea, pissta, heartbrea, troublema multitas, unmas bluestoc, foreloc motherfuc, bloodsuc wisecrac, backtrac benchmar, disembar pawnbro, keystro stockbro, anti-smo, undercoo, overloo hyperlin, freethin hallmar, reembar hitchhi, motorbi bootlic, politic rollic, nitpic lovema, muckra ransac, carjac, miskic, picnic upchuc, untuc … Read more

The Match and the Patch

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Football fans from Northern towns hit the capital city Sharp-dressed, pretty   sure to take the opportunity to take in a record shop and rifle through vinyl score a winner reach the final   Make their way to Covent Garden … Read more