Ta-ra Tories
Ta-ra Penny
Let’s hope that the end of Ms Mordaunt
turns out to be some sort of portent
of Conservative death
the Tories’ last breath
and spares us from more of their torment
Writing: Clerihew
Four lines, two rhyming couplets. The first line is the name of a person. The rhymes and the line lengths are allowed to be – supposed to be, even – a bit rubbish.
Clerihew: Richard Sharp
Richard Sharp Likes to whinge and to carp That report was bad luck Now off he can fuck
Clerihew: Andrew Haines
Andrew Haines carefully explains That his £593,000 pay is not a perk – He really is worth twenty of the people who do the actual work — *Chief Executive Officer of Network Rail
Clerihew: Jeremy Westlake
Jeremy Westlake has the second best take He’s in charge of the cash and makes sure he gets a big stash
Clerihew: Grant Shapps
Grant Shapps He talks and he craps But often gets confused About which end he’s used
Clerihew: Owen Paterson
Owen Patterson takes envelopes with splatters on One hundred grand and he’ll do your bidding Fit for public office? You’ve got to be kidding.
Clerihew: Julie Burchill
Julie Burchill Will fight them on the beaches like Churchill She’s been cancelled and silenced by opinion shapers She’ll tell you all about it in the national newspapers pic: Pete Linforth at Pixabay
Clerihew: Morrissey
Morrissey Is even worse than Boris, he Had a stroke of luck When he missed that ten-tonne truck
Clerihew: Madonna
Madonna Was nearly a goner When she stepped on a mine Crossing over the borderline
Clerihew: Langston Hughes
Langston Hughes Wrote poems in the rhythm of the blues He gave folk the shivers With ‘The Negro Speaks of Rivers’
Clerihew: J.K. Rowling
J.K. Rowling Is bawling and howling That a wolf can change into a human But a man can’t change into a woman
Clerihew: Princess Anne
Princess Anne Married a man Who served in the Forces Ah well – horses for courses
Clerihew: Nadia Whittome
Nadia Whittome Knows how to hit ’em When the leader’s a drip She’s defying the whip
Clerihew: Johnny Rotten
Johnny Rotten Has obviously forgotten The establishment he maligned Now he talks bollocks: never mind
Clerihew: Nicola Adams
Nicola Adams Is dancing with Madams Instead of with Misters Ten points for the sisters
Clerihew: Laurence Fox
Laurence Fox from the school of no knocks Champion of the overdog a poundshop Rees Mogg
Clerihew: Rosa Luxemburg
Rosa Luxemburg As I’m sure you must have heard Was jailed and murdered as she would not conform And preferred revolution to reform
Clerihew: Michael Gove
Michael Gove Spun and stitched and wove A tapestry of policy Of bloody awful quality . . . . Photo: Chris McAndrew / CC BY (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)
Clerihew Times Two: Herbert Morrison / Peter Mandelson
Herbert Morrison was moderate and worrisome He had an appropriate grandson: Peter Mandelson Peter Mandelson could not get a handle on The passionate, radical, principled and quarrelsome: rather like his grandfather, Herbert Morrison
Clerihew: Simon de Montfort
Simon de Montfort got off on the wrong foot He persecuted the Jewish but won the Battle of Lewes