Why You Don’t Deserve a Pay Rise

A poem about this


Nicky from Network Rail
says that to get work and not fail
to make yourself a mint,
not be skint
– come on, take the hint –

You should have worked harder at school,
mastered the slide rule
You should have been more able,
memorised your times tables,
your Latin declensions,
should have paid more attention,
put in much more effort,
should have learned your lessons

You should have buckled down to homework,
burnt the midnight candle,
should have got a handle
on algebra, geometry,
angles, trigonometry

With a bit more application,
consistent concentration
and a gift for regurgitation
of equations, facts and figures,
your pay would be much bigger
– please ignore the sniggers –
You should have shown more vigour

Your prospects died
when you played outside
You had your chance and lost it,
dossed your way
to working night and day
for a tiny fraction of your boss’s pay

You messed your life up when you were a kid
– that’s what you did –
You skived
It’s your fault that your wage has dived,
not the pay freeze that your boss imposed
Please, everyone knows
the blame is your own, you fool –
You should have worked harder at school

Or been born into riches,
not let the common folk queer your pitches,
paid your way past all those hitches,
got a public school and a private tutor,
unlimited books and a top-end computer
That could have bought you a ticket to a fortune

To put food in the larder,
you should have been a hard-yarder,
shown schoolwork some ardour –
You should have worked harder

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